ABSTINENCE

I’ll keep trying to forget
'cause there’s no other way to remember,
To shake off the sweaty smell
Of another thought that gets dismembered.

I’ll keep going back and forth
Between the smoke of my last cigarette
And the raw aftertaste of satisfaction
That inevitably rings a bell
But falls apart with the slightest distraction
Inside the cotton sheets of a cheap motel.

There is a victory in knowing that I’ve done it again,
That I’ve managed to stand straight and declare,
Under the smooth light of your judgmental stare,
that I ignored the condescending chance of learning from my mistakes,

that I’m willing to commit the same crimes,
that I’ll continue writing the same rhymes,
licking the rough edges and riding the same thighs,
that I’ll relapse, fold, and collapse
under the historical reflection of things that won’t last.